dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
so much tequila, so little girl.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
