Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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