Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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