My underwear smells like fireworks.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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