I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
