Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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