Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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