He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
