what if every blade of grass was a penis?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
