hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
