i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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