We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
