my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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