His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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