you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
