hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
