feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Success! We fucked roommates!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
