stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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