Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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