giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
