I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
