Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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