I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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