Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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