i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.