You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry