bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.