I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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