You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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