U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
