What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
