R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
