I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
