ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
