i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
