Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
