it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I will pee on everything he values.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
