Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
