I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
