So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize