Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
