And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
