She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I supernannyed him into submission
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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