Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
