Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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