Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize