are you still at the devil's house?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
