No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
