Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
