Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
