we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
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I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
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And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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