Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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