Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
