I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
