i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
