and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
