I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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