woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
