I wish I only lived at night.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
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I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
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The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Congratulations! We have a period
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