Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
