I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
