If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
