what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
