I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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