FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
vagina is talking i cant
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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