I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he thought i was a dude.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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