Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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