I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
