Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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