you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
