420 ftw
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
