I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
