He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
