Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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