Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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